Yogi Bear lives in Jellystone Park and cruises around with his sidekicks Boo Boo, Snagglepuss and Huckleberry Hound. Unlike Yogi Dad, Yogi Bear never ages and never gains weight from eating too many "pic a nic baskets." The one thing Yogi Bear and Yogi Dad have in common is that they're both stiff as boards. Yogi Dad is so stiff that he came out of the womb strapped to a two by four. During his whole life, Yogi Dad has never been flexible.
Being a guest blogger on Take5moment.com has got me watching some of the mini videos on yoga and health. I went over by the television and starting looking through all of the dvd's. Of course, here it is, the yoga dvd that's been sitting here for two years and never been opened. Why not?
So I go down to the garage, back out the FJ Cruiser and lay out a yoga mat. I plug the dvd into my wall mounted TV and sit down to watch like a little kid. A nice looking fit woman of about 45 starts talking quietly and soothingly. Whoops, I need to jump up and stand raising my arms to the sky. Cool, I need some stretching.
Wait a minute, what the heck is she doing. You want me to lay on my back and put my feet up by my ears. You gotta be kidding. Have you ever heard a hamstring pop? Calm down. Don't judge yourself. It's all about the journey. There is no trophy at the end in this one. Okay, maybe they have trophies at the World Yoga Championships in New Delhi, but not here in my garage.
The lady with the soothing voice keeps talking. I'm in a trance as I ravel into the modified pretzel. Maybe I'm unraveling. I really don't know at this point because my stomach is in the way of me going full pretzel. You just can't go full pretzel with a tummy.
Whew, it's time for a break. Here we go, reach for the sky again. Now, down to the ground so I can do an imitation of a pigeon. Do you know I hate pigeons? I shoot them off my roof, but here we go. This isn't so bad. I can actually do this pose. I feel my butt muscle tearing away from the bone. Why is the garage door opening? It's my wife and kids about to run me over. There goes the horn. I guess this work out is over.
I felt great afterwards. I slept like a baby that night. I told a friend of mine about the yoga. He jokingly told me that my wife had finally sucked the last bit of manliness out of me. Funny. Why can't a man do yoga? I did.
Hey Boo Boo! It's Yogi Dad.
Tags: Frank Hooks Take5Yoga Humor
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