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Loren M. Gelberg-Goff

Loren M. Gelberg-Goff


Loren received her Master's Degree in Social Work from Columbia University and worked for many years in a variety of health care settings. Loren has been in private practice for the past 20 years working with individuals, families and couples helping them to enhance their lives and relationships. Married for 22 years, and a mother of 2, Loren truly understands what it takes to balance work and family life and deal with the stresses of raising a family in today's world.

Loren's workshops and seminars have been widely presented to Fortune 500 companies in New York and New Jersey, on topics of Stress Management, Parenting, Self-Empowerment, Anger Management, Forgiveness, and Coping with Change as well as other life issue topics.

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Being Patient with Yourself

We live in a time where everything moves at a very accelerated pace, we expect immediate gratification, and most people have very little tolerance for things happening at a slow rate. Most people want everything now. There is even a bumper sticker that says “G-d grant me patience, but hurry”. Most people laugh at this sentiment but, unfortunately, it seems to fit with current lifestyles. Today, however, I’m discussing the fact that you need to slow down, in terms of expectations of yourself, when it comes to the changes that you want to make in reclaiming your self-esteem. It takes 28 days to make a habit, and that means daily practice of the habit you want to create. When you first started with the affirmation “Who I am is enough”, it may have felt awkward and strange. I trust that with daily practice that affirmation feels, not only more comfortable within you, but more natural as well. These changes take time, practice and perseverance. There is no quick fix when it comes to reclaiming your self-esteem. This is an ongoing process, filled with many techniques, tools, ideas and practice to reclaim that which has been lost over your life-time. You are rebuilding your inner core, and it would be most helpful and beneficial to you if you could see this process as a true treasure hunt, and really worthwhile treasures don’t materialize overnight.

Everyone is born “just right”. You have probably heard this statement many times in your life: “Babies are perfect just the way they are.” So, too, were you. When did your messages of inadequacy begin? When did you first start feeling that you were not enough? Allow yourself to sit with these thoughts and feelings. Breathe slowly and deeply and notice where in your body you feel those feelings of inadequacy. Acknowledge how deep these feelings are, and how pervasive they are as well. Please don’t make any judgments on these feelings or situations, just be aware of your feelings, and breathe slowly and deeply. 

Try this Thoughtful Meditation...

I now want you to remember a time (or times) when you felt really good about yourself: Choose a moment when you felt really successful, accomplished, special, capable, strong or lovable. Maybe it was a long time ago, or maybe it was recently. It doesn’t matter when it was. Maybe you remember when you learned how to ride a bike, or drive a car, or when you got your first job, or a promotion or got married or had a baby, etc---whatever the event, just allow yourself to sit with those feelings of wholeness. Notice where in your body you feel the feelings of accomplishment, love, success, etc. Feel the joy, warmth, laughter, excitement, etc. flow through you. Sit with how good you felt, and how good it feels to reconnect to these feelings. Breathe in slowly and deeply and just remember what it felt like to “be enough“.

Life is made up of a continuing series of different moments, and it’s what you do with each moment that defines your life. In order to move forward in a positive direction in your life, it‘s important that you start focusing your attention on, and remembering the uplifting, special, loving, and positive moments. Painful, scary, stressful, negative, etc events or moments stick with us without any effort at all on our parts. It has to do with adrenaline, and the imprinting of the memory on a cellular level. Positive, uplifting, affirmative events or moments don’t have the same automatic cellular impact. So, we need to consciously reinforce them. This takes time and patience because it is not automatic. Just as releasing negative behaviors requires your conscious awareness, so, too, does stopping and acknowledging the wonderful moments; the positive things that you do and feel. This new habit also requires practice because most people are not used to really paying attention to all the good feelings or successes that they have in a given day. STOP! BREATHE! FOCUS! Allow yourself to pay attention to the moments that feel really good, uplifting, special, positive, etc. Be aware of the moments when you feel capable, wise, loved, loving, etc. Write them down! By writing them down you will have easy access to your positive connections to yourself. You won’t need to struggle to reconnect to the memories and feelings. You will have them on hand. At the times when you feel uncertain, fearful, sad, insecure, etc. it is extremely helpful to pull out your list, and read it. The list is your reminder of who you really are, and the positive qualities that you possess. 

The difficult moments are the times that give you the opportunities to learn and grow. You can use these moments as learning opportunities, and stop, breathe and focus so that you can remind yourself of who you really are; accept that you are human, and therefore there will be challenges in your life. I call these challenging moments “pop quizzes”. We all remember pop quizzes in school and know the anxiety and tension that they produced. When life hands us “pop-quizzes”, it’s the signal for you to Stop! Breathe! Focus! Ask yourself: What is my desired outcome? What am I willing to do so that I can achieve my desired outcome? 

This is where patience with yourself is essential. Judgments, criticisms, name-calling, etc. are all part of negative feelings about yourself, and they are not helpful or productive. (These are some of the habits you’re releasing.) “Who I am is enough, and I am learning and evolving, and it is never a straight line up.” Breathe this statement in slowly and deeply, pull out your list of successes, and now you can add one more to your list: the time that you took care of yourself in a loving and positive way when you were faced with a challenge. These moments count! There are always new learning opportunities to help you to reinforce your new, positive sense of yourself. Every time you stop and allow yourself to consciously choose a new way to handle a situation or yourself, you are reinforcing a new habit, and a stronger sense of yourself. 

I wish you patience, love and consideration for yourself as the new year unfolds and you embrace the belief “Who I am is Enough!

Tags: Loren M. Gelberg-Goff New Attitudes Meditation

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